Are you looking to your partner to fill in the gaps inside of you?: 5 Ways to tell if you’re losing yourself in a relationship:
- You Overlook the “Little” things
You love your partner right? Of course! So you’ll let go of small things or do small things to please them. And that’s great, that’s what loving relationships are all about.
We all have an innate desire to please and meet the needs of those who we love, however, you want to make sure you are not going against your highest good. Don’t say no to your yoga hour for example so that you can make a lasagna for your partner. Do it later or find something else to do to show you love him/her. Little things end up making big ones after a while and you may end up asking yourself ‘What’s wrong with me, I’m not happy? Or ‘My partner is not making me happy, what’s wrong with him/her?’
- Your Confidence is waning
A relationship should really be a place where you feel cherished and encouraged to become the best version of yourself. Are your comments supportive of your partner? Are your partner’s comments supportive of your dreams and aspirations?
Unfortunately this is often not the case – partners can start to undermine each other in a tit for tat manner forgetting the reason why they decided to get together in the first place: To learn to love each other better thereby making life more beautiful.
If you seek your partner’s approval too often, become overly dependent on them for direction, neglect your social life, forget your dreams and aspirations and lose sight of who you truly are, your sense of self and your self-confidence will naturally start to drop.
Self-confidence is a by-product of knowing who you are and what you are capable of achieving. Losing self-confidence while in a relationship is a sure sign that you’re starting to lose yourself.
- It’s we instead of me
If we are not careful it is not uncommon for individuals in relationships to forgo passions that are not shared by their partner: We all have drives and desires and achieving these are an important part of our personality whether it be in academic, vocational, spiritual settings that are exclusive to our identity in a relationship.
If your partner is insecure, having your individual ambitions can be anxiety producing for them. This can become a huge problem as your partner may start to, innocuously at first, ask you to forego little things. Then it can gradually escalate where you are asked to let go of more and more important things because they make your partner feel insecure, which often shows up as anger towards you, especially if they feel they can lose you as a result.
Do you feel a bit like a bird with clipped wings and like you don’t have the freedom to do the things you love?
- You have no Alone time
You should NOT feel guilty about taking time out to take care of yourself and your needs. This is a clear sign that you discount your own needs in favor of others’, that you don’t value yourself as much as you value others – your kids, your partner, and your relationship.
There is often a belief that taking time for ourselves is selfish. Actually if you don’t take the time to be with yourself, you will become cranky and not so fun to hang around with. Mothers are especially susceptible to doing this. As a result they often end up resenting their partner when they want to be amorous because they feel like they are going to totally lose themselves if they do. It’s such a shame to miss on sexual pleasures and deep connection with your mate because you have not taken the time to nurture your needs for alone time.
- Anything to Fill the Void
When you lose yourself in a relationship you may look for anything to fill in the emptiness inside. Since real joy feels like such a long way off and that it’s practically unattainable, it’s tempting to look for something to fill the gnawing hole that is your life.
Temporary relief, like losing days to Netflix marathons, eating yourself until you feel sick, drinking, drugs and shopping can be a temporary relief but will not be a permanent solution.
If you realize that you have been losing yourself in your relationship, what can you do? Start by becoming curious about yourself and about what it means to really love.
Contemplate joining us in our Soul Worthy Love online coaching program and transform your life so it can be what you imagined it could be www.soulworthylove.com.