Romeo & Juliet, Scarlett & Rhett, even Carrie & Mr. Big are all epic loves that we’ve come to swoon by.
We even have shows like “The Bachelor” that convince viewers that you can meet someone and decide to marry them after a few dates. Talk about pressure on the relationship! You think that’s reality?
We grow up reading, listening and watching these stories and come to believe that’s how it should be. But is this realistic? Are we expecting too much? Or too little? Is there such thing as a “soulmate” like these tales seem to be telling us?
The songs on the radio, the popular romance novels like ‘The Notebook’, the images in the magazines and romantic movies paint a picture of what you ‘should’ have but you don’t seem to be able to get. From all these stories bombarding you that do not look anything like your life, there might even be a part of you that feels that ‘something must be wrong with me’ for not having that kind of amazing romance.
And this belief just reinforces in you that ‘you’ll never be able to find love’.
Your beliefs are built by what you see and hear on a daily basis, and consciously or not, you are storing these beliefs as facts for your future relationships. You get ‘pre-programmed’ by your cultural background and the media: If you travel to different countries, with different cultures, and especially different religions, you see how different the expectations are about what true love ‘should be’ all about.
In the Western world we individually choose our partners, but in India, many of the muslim countries, Israel and even Japan, the parents are still often the ones choosing the spouse of their children. And guess what? The divorce rate for arranged marriages is less than those countries where we choose our spouses ourselves!
Why is that? Beside the fact that in some culture it is not well looked upon to divorce, my belief is that when a marriage is arranged, the spouses understand that they will need to learn to love and need to be more committed to working at it to be happy in the long run. In our culture we often believe in the “and the lived happily after” where a charming prince meets a charming princess and they never have any challenges for the rest of their lives.
Many women and men have high expectations for how they’ll find love and how their partner should act. They are fully expecting their ‘soulmate’ to walk through their front door, be hit by love at first sight, and then jump right into being a couple happily in love.
This rarely happens and what is sad about this, is that these people are missing out on relationships that could be great, if they were only willing to learn about love for their partner and themselves. They think that if they don’t feel the immediate “spark” that it is not going to work out. And so many seem to be expecting that grand romantic heart thumping story: Are we really believing that when the screen fades to black that there is a perfect ending to these romantic tales?
A study at Heriot Watt University found that the unrealistic expectations promoted within romantic comedies as well as the themes of lovers being brought together by fate and destiny, tend to be downright toxic to actual relationships.
According to the study, people who consumed a steady diet of romantic comedies “tend to have stronger beliefs in romantic idealism.” People are left crestfallen and heartbroken at airport gates or New Year’s Eve when the object of their desires hasn’t run in to make a grand romantic declaration.
We are often focused on the idea of love rather than the actual act of loving someone.
A lot of people talk about finding their ‘soulmate’. It’s a beautiful term, “soulmate” but it’s overused and it has created an infatuation with an idea and ideal that’s JUST NOT REAL!
Real love does exist. It is the most amazing state of being in the world, but true love does not mean that there are no challenges. True love means embracing the dualities like in the marriage vows ‘for better, for worse, for richer, poorer, in sickness and in health, until death does us apart’. True love means compromising sometimes and embracing the other where he/she is at. True love means patience and willingness to learn. True love is much easier when you have a connection with YOUR OWN HEART, YOUR OWN SOUL. That is the true soulmate.
We have access to a soulmate anytime we open our heart and truly love someone and ourselves in that relationship. There are many possible mates for us, it’s just a matter of choosing one we feel is a good match and then commit to learning to love them with all our heart.
You may learn to love through one partner or you may learn to love through many. Neither one of them is better than the other, it all depends on you and which lessons about love you need to learn. As long as you are truly learning how to love, you are on the right path.
Parents often say that the best thing they ever did was to have children. Why? Because children teach you how to love. And when you love, you feel happy. But you don’t need to have children to learn to love if you are willing to learn to unconditionally love your partner just as much as you would be willing to love your child.
When was the last time you sat down and took the time to assess your expectations about love? How are they affecting your love life? Are you too picky? Or are you the opposite and do not love yourself enough to pick someone who can really love you?
FACT: If you don’t know who you are and you don’t know what love really is, the odds are against you to find the right love for you.
This is the exact reason why I created my Soul Worthy Love Program: To help the participants redefine what a “soulmate” is, so that it is something actually attainable as well as gain the knowledge deep down in their heart that they are worthy of finding and keeping love. The 6 month online coaching program helps the participants to gain clarity, confidence and a roadmap back to themselves. With that connection,you are ready to attract, nurture and evolve within a committed partnership with healthy expectations for yourself and for your partner.
I’ve guided thousands of people, some who have traveled thousands of miles to see me, from their needless suffering to returning to their self and my goal is to help many more to do just this.
Don’t fall prey to the trap of unrealistic romantic stories! Yes, they’re great for a night in, while curled up on a comfy chair, but make sure you separate fact from fiction. Know that they are not accurate depictions of real love and don’t drag yourself down when your partner or date does not behave the way ‘they should do it’. There is nothing wrong with you and you are worthy of love…but only of real love. .